Short jokes
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
Let's make a joke on how depressing Monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.
I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.
All my jokes are cries for help.
INCLUDING THIS ONE.
Why can't depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.
My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.
What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?
They both leave you hanging.
What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
Some people think incest jokes are funny.
I just think it's all relative.
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."