Short jokes
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.
Once I saw a mirror... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost.
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
Did you know cannibals ate KFC?
Kentucky Fried Children.
I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
What is the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick.
Why doesn’t the US want to play chess with the UK?
The US is already down 2 towers, and the UK has an unkillable queen.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."