Short jokes

lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

The toaster;

otherwise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

"Windows 10 shutting down."

Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?

Family restaurants.

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

What is a dry swimmer?

Not in the water...

You're so ugly that even Hello Kitty said goodbye.

My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.

Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.

I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.

You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))

I bought a guh on the weekend.

(what's a guh?)

GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰

When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”

"Don't worry! Life goes on."

"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."

I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.

I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"

I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.

What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?

Boeing boeing boeing.

I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.