Short jokes
I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
It's only rape.
If she finds out.
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
Why does the nucleus feel trapped?
Because it’s inside a cell!
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
He won a no-bell prize.
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
Why are Asian's eyes always squinted?
Nukes are bright.
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.