Short jokes
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
It's only rape.
If she finds out.
I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.
Humanity.
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.