Short jokes
I'm gonna jump to my death.
Don't worry. I won't jump far.
Just off this chair here...
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
Why did Billy fall off his bike?
Because his dad threw a chair at him.
What does a blondie and a shotgun have in common?
Give them a cock and they're ready to blow.
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
What do you call a midget with autism?
A weetard.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
My wife is like a mirror.
I can never look at it.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.
I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.
But it was only on paper view.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."
My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.
What do you call a blind German?
A not see.
Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind too.