Short jokes

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

Autistic jokes have been very popular recently. In other words, I've been very popular recently.

What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?

They are just two plane.

I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.

Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?

Because they have a supreme ruler.

Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.

I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!

Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?

"This is a stand-up."

I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.

Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.

Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.

Note to self.

When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".

Google "cream pie recipes".

You're so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked, "Are you moving?"

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.

What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.