Short jokes
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."
My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.
What do you call a blind German?
A not see.
Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz II Men? He thought they were a delivery service.
Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind too.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!
I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
What do you call an angry Texan?
A Confederate leader.
I wonder if the Titanic still sells fish?
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
Girl: "Come over."
Orphan: "I can't."
Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"
Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?
"Get off me homes."
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
According to statistics, 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.