What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
Short Jokes
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...
On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?
It's only rape.
If she finds out.
Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind too.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter
I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
According to statistics, 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet.
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?
Because they don't have soul.
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
