Short jokes

My dick is hard as a rock, anyone wanna fuck?

The South.

I'm autistic.

Mary had a little lamb.

Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!

At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"

I can't handle these puns...

But I can HAND you some puns!

Budum tiss!

Hey Aria.

A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."

Please stop hurting people's feelings, or they'll hang around the house.

The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.

The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.

What is a snake's favorite drug?

Adder-all.

I know where you live! I saw you before!

Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?

Random guy: Why?

Me: Because you look like a whale.

What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?

They always line up.

Yo mama is so ugly that Satan started going to church!

Hey Stacey, love!

What did the parents say to the orphans?

"YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"

If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.

Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.