Short jokes
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
Actually doing homework.
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
What did the ball say to the other ball? "You're baller!"
What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
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How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
Pizzaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!
Your mama is so stupid, when her phone died, she bared it, lol.
Have you read "50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit and Probly Not?
If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
I had a friend named Wemiyoe... We call him "we me you."
Hey! Some idiot drew a cat on this pillar! Wait... does that make it a caterpillar?
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
What happens when two walls meet?
They are cornered.
Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why is 69 annoying me? Oh, it's a tease.