Short jokes
"Nihha scarborough face."
Mase looks like a fat gay dude.
I'm Jessica, and I really want to talk to Ashton Parkes.
What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.
Your momma is so fat, when she got in the Pacific, she became the Pacific Ocean.
Your mama's so ugly, she got everything for free.
Mickey: I want a divorce!
Minney: Are you fricking crazy?
Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!
Do you know Ligma?
Have fun rubbing those balls in your tomatoes!
Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot ;(
They made a movie about 9/11.
It was a big hit.
Who left him hanging?
You: You are such a flick pain.
Me: You are flick pain to my sight.
He had the curse of vanishing.
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
I got sent to the principal's office for giving an orphan kid a family-size pack.
"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."
Man, that's funny!
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.