Short jokes
Why can’t orphans have a horse?
Because they run away like their mum did.
Why did Hitler lose the war?
Because Göring ate every last airplane, tank, artillery, ship, and ammunition!
A son asked his mom: "Why are the lines in the LGBTQ community flag straight?"
If people who live in Canada are Canadians, I mean if they drink Fanta, they’re fantastic.
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!
What do you call a pillow that has been on the bed for 20 years in jail?
A criminal! 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
What's the difference between leafmen and leafwomen? Palm trees.
Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.
A man walked into a fleshlight and died.
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
"Nahtzee"
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"
Wanking.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost WiFi connection.
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
Yo mama is soooooo fat that she was arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack!
If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.