Short jokes
Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
He was looking for "poo."
Why can't pirates play cards in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
Me: Mom, we made a cake.
Bully: Guess what?
Me: What?
Bully: Nobody cares!
Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!
Stephen Hawking is as broke as his legs.
Why didn't the bitch ass skeleton fly?
'Cause me mum flew all the way and Trevor is a boofahead.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair going through a fire? Ghost Rider.
Well, yo mama is fat, and when she loses weight, all the food that she has is hers, but the Africans get none.
What is Puss In Boots' favorite boot brand?
CAT!
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they asked if I could pilot a plane.
My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.
Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.
Dad: What did your older brother say before he lost his virginity?
Son: Dad, please don't.
Dad: Exactly.
You suck.
Your mom is so ugly, you look like her. Oh, got 'em!
Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.
My friend: How?
Justin: Justin!
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.
Why is the orphan cold?
'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.
When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.
FUCKING MENT
Say, "Hey, you're pretty." Then she'll say, "OMG, thank you so much," or something cringe. Then you say, "Pretty f***ing ugly, aha, gottie!"
Why are New Yorkers so good at reading?
Some of them went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.