Short jokes
1+1=3, just add 9 months.
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, sheâd say: âyouâre next.â So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
What's the definition of disgusting?
Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!
Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?
Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.
"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
Guys, I have a dilemma. I'm a beta, please help!
My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0
This is not a joke; this is just about death...
Dwarfism is a growing problem.
Kidding, thatâs not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.
He jumped off a curb stone.
Period: Guess whoâs back... back again...
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fucking singing.
Q: Why doesnât Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?
A: He believes in the second cumming.
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Landing Greasy Grove.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
What do you call staring stares?
Stares.
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They canât see their family.
What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?
"You're too young to smoke!"
That's not even a bad joke-
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you donât believe in dog.