Short jokes
Why doesn't China have a cricket team?
They always eat the bat.
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
F is for friends who don't talk to you.
U is for Ur alone.
N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.