The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? -- Because they change theirs more often.
Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?
Because they don't have Seoul.
why did helen keller wear skin tight pants?
so you could read her lips
Doctor: You're as healthy as a horse! Jimmy: That's great! Doctor: A horse with cancer.
Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen......to clean the rest of the house
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
How do you help a constipated person?
U scare the shit out of them
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
I'm better than you in every single way.... I even have an extra chromosome.
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. -- I didn't want to interrupt her.
Q:what's the hardest thing about losing your virginity A:making sure she doesn't wake up
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms. Knock knock, Who’s there? Not lil Susie
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded? I can Nazi!
The only thing I do straight is vodka
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
Spongebob is yellow, and he can't drive.
Must be Asian.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
