Short jokes
I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.
Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bastard.
For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
When earthquakes hit, coffins become maracas underground.
I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.
I'm so gay I could barely think straight.
What’s an abbreviation for school in America?
Shooting range.
Jokes just as dead as the victims.
I got them red Gucci bracelets.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."