Short jokes
Knock knock. Hwoo's there? Far from home. Hwoo's far from home? Spider-Man.
My friend talking to fat boi: "I can order you at McDonald's: Double Big Mac, triple quarter pounder cheeseburger."
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on the couch, the couch got destroyed.
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.
Q: What did the Iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
What name is easy to say in Spanish?
Marissa!
Why are baby elephants so smart? They hang out with friends!
What is mail? Boring.
What is your summer name? Hot.
One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.
One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.
Blonde: Can I suck you off? (has STDs on mouth)
Me: Naw (drake turn/dab)
Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?
Tiresome is the quantification of tire.
Booooooooooooo!
We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
What's between a wife and a husband?
A divorce.
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
How can you tell an Asian guy is awake?
You can never tell.