Short jokes
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)
Canada.
Video game company names always make me make puns I didn't intend to.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!
What is the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
I have one policy, and that is to not make fun of black people.
Sorry, Jesus. You were white in the Bible pictures.
If you're white and you're racist to someone, don't do anything.
Roses are red, you have a nice lip, it would look better if it was on my tit.
Hey, look, it's that "TRAINS gender" guy. He says, "I like trains." Uh oh!
What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?
Dead chicken and dead cow.
What do sea turtles and lesbians have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Kid: “What happened to Dad?”
Mom: “He flew into the Twin Towers.”
Why are hill billies so weird? Because their name is Billy.
What do you call an octopus whose father left?
An octopie.
Jesus was a carpenter who got nailed to a piece of wood.
When I was on the Titanic, I got broken.