Short jokes

"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."

Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."

I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.

What would Batman do if he wasn't rich?

He would be robin.

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

what did the banana say to the banana?

"u look a-pealing"

What did the blind man fight in the bar?

The coat rack.

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.

modern feminism.

What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?

My dick.

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.

I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

Because they go down so well.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.