Short jokes

In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.

Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.

What was the favorite game in 2001? Flight simulator.

How are giants and strippers alike?

They both grind men's bones to make their bread.

My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."

Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.

Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.

What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?

Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.

"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"

"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

What do you call a retard in a house fire?

Flame Retardant.

I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.

Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?

Too many cheetahs!

Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?

The white guy actually did it.

What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?

"It's pasture bed time."