Short jokes

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."

Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.

Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.

What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?

Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.

"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"

"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.

Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?

Too many cheetahs!

What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?

"It's pasture bed time."

My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.

Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.

Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!