Short jokes

Short jokes

Marshmallow

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

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  • Call of Duty

    I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.

    Captain

    You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

    Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

    People

    Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

    Because they go down so well.

    Difference

    What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?

    There is no difference.

    They both got split open by a huge log.

    Dandruff

    Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

    Rape

    So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

    Disease

    I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.

    Scale

    My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

    So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

    Shovel

    If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

    Cucumber

    What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?

    My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.

    Grape

    What is purple and whines when it’s squished?

    A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂