Short jokes

modern feminism.

What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?

My dick.

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.

I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

Because they go down so well.

What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?

There is no difference.

They both got split open by a huge log.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?

My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.

What is purple and whines when it’s squished?

A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂

After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.