Short jokes
How does a cow introduce his wife?
Meet Patty.
What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class? Catch you later!
I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
Why did the skeleton feel alone?
He was BONEsome.
If you're gay, then what the f*** are you doing trying to walk straight?
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?
Not getting the job at McDonald’s.
Why do orphans have sex toys? Because the uncle isn't there.
If Leo were any slower, she’d be going BACKWARD.
How can you help a llama on holiday? Alpaca your bags.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?
Getting the water bill.
Denki: Did you just... fall over?
Bakugo: Tch, no, I attacked the floor.
Sero: Backwards?
Bakugo: I'm talented.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
Yoav
I don't beat up midgets.
That would be punching down.
I make elevating music; you make elevator music.
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.