Short jokes
Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.
How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."
Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.
What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?
Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Crackers.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."
My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.