Short jokes
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's greatest enemy?
The low ground.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.
Jesus created the T-pose first.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?
A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.
I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.
What is the tallest building?
A library 📚
It has the most stories.
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
Your family tree looks like a circle 💀💀💀
Why don't midgets use tampons?
Answer: They are always tripping over the string.
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"
The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.