Short jokes
I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...
All I got was "error 404 page not found."
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.
I have 5 fingers and the middle one is for you
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.
They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.
What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?
A Twix.
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.