Short jokes
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
I groomed 2 minors today.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RCXD (remote control explosive).
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
What do depressed people use for emotions online?
They use EMOjis.