Short jokes
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
Why don't chickens and sheep get along?
Because they have beef between them.
What do you call a legless table? Nothing.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
What do Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie have in common?
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
What does Leo have in common with a newspaper?
They both love to yap and babble, and they always get fondled by old people.
Q: What do you call a cow stuck on a barb wire fence?
A: Udderly destroyed.
What would a gay man do for free that a heterosexual woman that is a whore won't do for $50.00 for a heterosexual man?
Suck his balls.
What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
Answer: The future.
How do rappers stay cool in the studio?
They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
Why do people adopt orphans?
They get cash.
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*
Rapboat so fat he got more chins than Chinatown.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.