Short jokes
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"
The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.
They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.
I have 5 fingers and the middle one is for you
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.