Short jokes
If you think I sound sexy, just reply "sexy."
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
I'm still wondering who took Jesus' sandals.
Even the one who ate that dove that sat at Jesus' shoulder. 🤔
How do you know a rapper is ready to cook?
He drops the beet.
To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.
What is a fruit's favorite way to call someone?
WhatsApple.
What's a rapper's favorite type of movie?
"Rap-tures."
What do you call a school bus with 30 kids?
A killstreak.
Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
What do the initials UAW stand for?
United Awesome Whores.
You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!
Yo mama's so ugly, her birth certificate is an apology letter.
How are the faster readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they read 80 stories in 10 seconds.
What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.
My son said he burnt food on accident, so I told him he was an accident.
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
That's caketasic!
what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?
Debris.
I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.