Short jokes

Why are grapes never alone?

Because they hang out in a bunch!

What's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Akeld." "Akeld who?" "Assfeild!"

"I AM NOT PETER GRIFFIN!"

Everyone, just as a warning, stay AWAY from Akeld!

"You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?"

Why did the robot eat a lightbulb?

'Cause he was in need of a light snack!

Yurrrrrrr?

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, I'm just a burden.

I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.

So fat you're a scale said, "Fat ass."

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

The Chaaaaaaaaaampioooooooooons!

The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.

Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.

I've spent most of my life avoiding conflict. That's why I'm never intending to visit Syria.

Do you know what's lonely?

Your lips, wanna meet mine?

"Guys, let's make this post have the most comments on the whole website!" This post has the most comments on the whole website.