Short jokes
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
The emo kid tried to give me a handshake. Sadly, I left him hanging.
This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?
Reminder: Check the fridge, but remember nothing's in there.
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.
Yo mama so fat...
That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!
What is it called when corn stalks have a baby?
The cream of the crop.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?
Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Why don’t babies pollinate flowers?
God chose Plan B.
You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.
Friend: I must order more nuts.
Your forehead is so fucking big, I had to call an Uber to get across the eyebrows to your hairline.
I know it's bad, sorry.
Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."
Person 1: Yassin has sex with a piece of sex.
Person 2: Nice, can I have some of your balls?
I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.
So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.
So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.
Why is Dawayne so small? Because his parents cut him up into small slices!
The average Irish person consumes 131.1 litres of beer, almost as much as your mum at night.
New Windex ad:
You should get Windex for that dirty mind!