Short jokes

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, I'm just a burden.

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

So fat you're a scale said, "Fat ass."

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.

I can change a "t" into a "p," just drink it and wait a few hours.

My bad, I kick me bad in if balls, and he got so fucking mad.

I've spent most of my life avoiding conflict. That's why I'm never intending to visit Syria.

As a kid, I was made to walk the plank.

Because we couldn't afford a dog.

SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP

There was a big problem yesterday.

My dishwasher has stopped working; her visa had expired.

went (DYM 134).

rocked (DYM 136)

Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.

Fraser smells.

What's the difference between Jordan and George Floyd? Jordan had air.

As you can see here, Jessie is wearing a lot of concealer.

Jessie?

Draw an accurate diagram representing the elephant genitalia. Use all 30 sheets of paper provided.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Akeld." "Akeld who?" "Assfeild!"