69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Short Jokes
Why do men get great ideas in bed?
'Cause they are plugged into a genius!
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.
Why is England's team unfair in chess?
Because 2 rooks = 10 and a queen = 9.
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.
Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!
Osama bin Laden
Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!
Numb Butt Wheelchair Club: No Feeling, No Problem!
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
How did Helen Keller dance? Very Bad.
How did Helen Keller draw? With her hand.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
Why is Jonnyy baiiiiii sad? Because he no shower pero.
I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.
Why couldn't people have their phone on airplane mode during 9/11?
Because their phone exploded the towers.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho... Alaska!
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
