Short jokes
Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?
You're so fat, when you jumped, the whole planet wiggled.
Roblox jokes be like: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I should create a game.
*Creates game* bruh my game got to thousand hundred 700,000 likes!
😄😄😄
Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."
What do Germans do to ask a question? They salute.
The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Broccoli.
Broccoli who?
Broccoli hasn’t got a surname!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?
Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.
Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.
When does a dyslexic person know when they've spelt their address wrong?
When it fails to turn up.
My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.
Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?
Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Why do egos like robbing banks?
They get a cut.
What went through the heads of the people on the 142nd floor during 9/11?
The 143rd floor.
When the airplane saw the Twin Towers, it said, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go around it, guess we will go through it."
If 9/11 happened again, I want to share a selfie of me flying that plane.