Short jokes
I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?
Josef Vasicek.
Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.
Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.
Why don't cows make good policemen?
Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!
Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
went (DYM 134).
Why isn't Hilary Duff interested in education?
A. She said that she was not interested in learning about anything that was so yesterday.
What is the difference between Hilary Duff and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because their parents aren't there to watch them!
Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.
Fraser smells.
I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.
What's the difference between Jordan and George Floyd? Jordan had air.
Leo be like: "I like men, yes."
What's the difference between a cunnilinguist and a Ritz?
One is a snack cracker.
The other, a crack snacker.
I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.