Short jokes
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?
If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.
From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”
Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?
"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
What shouldn't you ask an emo?
"Do a wrist reveal."
Why are my students so naughty?
Person: My left ear is ringing.
Friend: Then answer it!
Why didn't the octopus get a tent? Because it had tentacles.
What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?
Wasted.
What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?
They both be flying??
What did the cupcake tell its frosting?
I’d be muffin without you.
You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.
300? You are a 3.0.
Back bent.