Short jokes
Everyone at the Queen's funeral:
Me and the boys getting her reboot card.
Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
What’s the issue with 9/11 jokes?
They never land.
Just like the planes.
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.
Hey! My balls are on your thing!
I guess the queen ran out of totems of undying.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
I'm all panic and no disco.
You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.
Q: What is the favorite song of the people who window dived out of the Twin Towers?
A: "Free Fallin'"
What's the difference between school and Hell?
There is no difference.
There are two types of people, avoid them both.
That chromosome gon' leave just like your hairline. 😗😮😮
What happens when you fail to be an emo? You don't make the cut.
You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Why can't orphans be in charge of making web pages?
Because they can't add a home page.
Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.
Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.
Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.
What is brown and sticky? A stick!