Short jokes
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?
You need to com-it.
Ebay is so useless. I tried searching up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.
What’s blue and comes in brownies?
Cub Scouts.
Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?
Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!
7000+ bats.
What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?
If you're a girl, please comment.
Gwen, hi, this is well, I am not saying, are you a girl? I thought you were a girl, but I could be wrong.
Daddy, good morning, please, I want too, but Davido's second-hand towel is 2.5 million.
Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.
What do you call an orphan at a construction site?
Child labor.
What is the difference between chocolate and sex?
I would rather eat the chocolate first and then make love.
Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.