Short jokes
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?
I love orphans. They're precious.
He do American feel like Trump is the president, he is stupid like soup.
Here via westwingman.net from Veep!
What do you cross with a cow and a tiger? (mooigter)
There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?
Look under...
Under where?
You just said underwear!
I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
Why can't the orphan go on a field trip?
Because he can't sign the parent's signature.
What is the postman's favorite fruit?
Water-mail-on.
Kid: Dad, where do you work?
Dad: I.C.U.P.
Kid: HAHAHAH!!!! See you pee.
What does a baby computer call its father? Data.