Short jokes
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A rooster clucks defiance!
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.
What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a boomerang?
The boomerang is guaranteed to come back.
What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?
A sissy.
Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.
My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.
When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.
My brother went missing 5 years ago. He also supported TRUMP. He is currently dead in my basement in a chest in a cupboard.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
When the washer started running, why did you join me?
Because I had to catch it.
Pictures of the people commenting.
What does a bird say when it gets sick?
I flu!
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
*World War 2 going on and then stops.*
Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."
I'm like a teddy bear. I don't like to be fucked.
Have you heard the joke about the paper?
Never mind, it's tear-able.
When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."
I unironically shit myself. I am so sorry.
What do superheroes put in their drinks?
Just ice.