Short jokes
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
We’ve got to celebrate our differences! 👻🤝🐵🤝🍚🤝🌮🤝💣🤝🏳️🌈🤝🍔🤝🥖🤝🍕
What did the Americans call the Battle of Midway after Pearl Harbor?
The Jap trap.
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
B b b b bird bird bird, the bird banged your mom!
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"
Obese is the N-word for fat people.
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
Your mom has a bone to pick with me.
I'm offended.
- Liberals
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
In case of ill rhymes!
How do rappers greet each other?
With a "Mic check, one-two."
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."