Short jokes

How do you find a redneck virgin?

Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.

What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?

A ham sandwich.

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

"SpaStics on aplastic. Add me on ps4 SpaZZagaZZa54."

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.

Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?

Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."

What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?

A Sandy Hook.

A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.

He just turned a blind eye.

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Rabid cow.

Rabid cow who?

Hold on, I need to get my gun....

What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?

"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."

What do you call a swearing piece of shit?

Cus-turd.

I am having a shit and there[sic] nothing else to read.

Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?

Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?

Because he fell off his wheelchair.

Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?

'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.

When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.

Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.