Short jokes
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
Why did Leah throw the butter out of the window? To see a butterfly!
Fat people are thirsty, so I piss in their mouth.
What time is it when you can drive home from phone?
I love going to sleep at night.
I did have a good night's sleep and a good day today, and tomorrow I have [planned] for a good night's sleep, and sleep with my...
What is the difference between a tree house for dinner, and dinner with you today after school?
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
What is a spaceman’s favorite chocolate?
A Mars bar!
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
How do you make a blond snowman? You can't, you have to hollow out the head.
So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!
What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro?
A Mac Daddy Pro.
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree?
In between Christmas two and Christmas four. 😉😂😂
I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
So Steph Curry and Lebron James went on a vacation, and Steph Curry said, "Try not to travel!"