Short jokes
What is blue and sits in a corner? A baby in a baggy.
Why are women like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
What do you call it when tectonic plates start racing?
Continental Drift.
How do you make a blond snowman? You can't, you have to hollow out the head.
What's worse than funny condom fails?
Jake Paul.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
Why did Obama marry Michelle?
Because he's into chicks with dicks.
My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.
PP in the poo poo.
So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.
A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.
Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?
The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.
I don't get mitosis.
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?
"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"
What do you call a ride that drops 180 degrees?
Cold as hell.