Short jokes
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
I'ma tell these to my adopted sister.
Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.
If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why didn't Neptune marry Saturn?
Because he knew he wasn't hot!
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
Why do orphans have dry cereal?
Because they're still waiting on the milk.
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case...
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
Why is the sun lit?
Because it has much solar.
What do you call a foot that got beaten at everything?
De-feeted (Defeated)
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
What was the last pizza order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.