Short jokes
What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?
Carlos.
Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.
Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
Blonde 1: Omg! Yesterday, I fucked a Brazilian!
Blonde 2: OMG YOU SLUT
Also Blonde 2: Wait, how much is a Brazilian?
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
What do you call a gold digger?
A miner.
Why couldn't the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals!
Q: What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
A: Downey.
Why can't women just shut the fuck up! I hate women. They need to know their place and stay in the kitchen and be baby makers...
I charge 50 bucks a suck.
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
It’s too bad G won’t be able to follow in Kobe’s footsteps and rape a hotel employee but not serve one minute in jail.
These are meannnnn.
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
Dwarf Shortage.
I met a man named Jebidiah on Xbox Live.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)