Short jokes
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
I saw a dwarf and said, "He costs 2 elixir!"
He called the cops.
How to become a monkey?
Put a red dot on your forehead.
If you don't like racist people, isn't that discrimination?
If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?
Why is the Pentagon mad?
Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."
I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.
Men.
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
What type of shirt do kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits.
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
Can you fuck me, please?
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
Why are there not that many phones in China? Because there’s too much Wing and Wong, so they will "wing" the wrong number.
I just wanted to write something random.
And now my wife is dead.
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.
In America, you catch Pikachu. In Soviet Russia, Pikachu catches you.