Short jokes
"Jingle bells, Osama smells."
What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
Why am I so sad?
I saw a yellow bus and I knew that some-ting was wrong.
The bus was white.
Why does Stephen Hawking have the voice of an angel?
Because no one has ever heard an angel talk.
Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?
Because he had good taste.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
My teacher is a rapist.