Short jokes
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
Are you a race car?
Cuz I’m tryna fuck.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
What is always moving but we never see it walk?
Time! Hahahaha!
What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
Electricity.
John took a bath with bubbles.
Bubbles was a man.
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.
What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?
Your dick shots longer.
2019, where you can change your gender at a snap of a finger.
Q: What do you call a "Wild Man" or "Wild Woman" on the Moon?
A: A Luna-Tic!
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
Why take a nap on the toilet?
Because it's a restroom.
Hi Andrew, this is Nick.
Levi and Andrew are fat.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
Which band doesn’t make music?
One Direction.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.