What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?
"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."
Short Jokes
Big Dolly Parton hair, like an 80s prom queen!
I like fire trucks and monster trucks.
Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
What's the hardest part about sex with a Thai girl?
Her, probably.
Why is the sun famous? Because it’s a shining star.
Sorry for posting this!
What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.
He jizzes canned cheese.
Your forehead [is] so big [that] every time you shout, your forehead starts pulsing.
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
Dying mall be like...
"Toys" were us.
Goodbye, kitty.
Dying Canes.
What do you call a rapper's pet?
A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.
I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
Time to play guitar!
*absolutely shreds*
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.
