Short jokes
What screams I’m insecure?
You're the type of guy to have a whole training arc after a girl wants to fight you.
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.
Thank you, nurse!
Why can't a homeless person win a baseball game?
They can't find home plate.
Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.
I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?
They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
I made a website for orphans, unfortunately it doesn’t have a homepage.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
Stephen Hawking died due to the BIOS update. He shut down because the power cable got chewed.
Balloon 1: Watch out for cactus!
Balloon 2: Where is cactussssssss?
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
You don't have a forehead, you have a fivehead.
You don't have dreams, you have movies.
You look like a sandwich Bigfoot didn't even like.
Why couldn't the GREAT WHITE beat the HAMMERHEAD?
because the GREAT WHITE kept getting BONKED on the HEAD by the HAMMERHEAD!