Short jokes
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
What do Karens do when they have free time?
They do KARENoke and sing a Karen song.
What do you call a fish with no parents?
An orfin.
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
What animal has more lives than a cat?
A frog. It croaks every night.
Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?
Because she is a home-y.
Why did the lady go to the dealership? Because she was going to get Hereford.
Women’s rights *bazinga!*
What's got 9 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard.
Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?
A: The pizza can support a family of four.
What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.
What did the Pokemon lover say when he got to the shoe store?
I have to Pikashoe.
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
Do you think Mars prefers Sour Orbiters sweet?
Orbiter: "Or bitter?"
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.