Short jokes
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
Imagine a dragon 🤔.
Imagine me dragging these nuts across your face.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
Why do orphans hate hide and seek?
Their parents went to play hide and seek years ago.
My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
Don't you feel an empty feeling...
IN YOUR SKULL!
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
Why are disabled people screwed?
Because you can't run or hide!
Nothing is free in this world, including "Free Palestine."
I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.
Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.