Short jokes
Daddy, where's my anus?
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?
So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?
Harry Potter is a movie about a grown adult man with an unhealthy obsession with a teenage boy.
I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
How do you see past that forehead?
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
Titanic is like our president; it cracks in half and dies.
My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.
What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?
They both will die alone.
If you can’t touch your brain or see your brain, you don’t have a brain?
What kind of birthday cake do you get on September 11th?
Three small ones, so you can have a flight of different cake flavors!
What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?
The Two Towers.
Why did Hitler's cookies taste bad? He forgot to clean out the oven.
I want to di... dive! Yeah!
The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family.
Me: yep they definitely have one 100% 💯
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
Why couldn’t the underage orphan get on an adult-only website? Because you need your parents' consent.
Your forehead is so big, it makes Kanye's ego look small.