Short jokes
I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.
Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
Me: What do you call a group of retards?
Friend: Down town?
Me: Nope, target practice.
My name is Joe Biden, and I am running for US Senate.
What do you call an Indian lesbian? Minge-eater.
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Them: "You're ugly."
Me: "No, as ugly as your extra chromosome."
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
Your forehead is so big, the moon landing was there.
Rabbit poop is cereal.
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
Stephen Hawking tried joining some music bands, but all of them rejected him... except Daft Punk.
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
What does Jonathan Davis eat for breakfast?
Korn Flakes.
My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.
Isn't eating a clock time-consuming?