Short jokes
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?
A blast from the past!
What do you call Indian dhal that is delicious?
Well, that is DHALicious!
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
What is the American virus? Diabetes.
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.
What do you call a guy named Kaiden?
I don't know, lol.
Why are orphans so naughty at school? It's not like the teacher is gonna call their parents.
Why'd the emo have no friends?
"Because they like to hang by themself."
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
What do super fancy music conductors wear?
A Louis baton.
What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
Yo mama's so dumb, she trips over the wireless internet.
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"