Short jokes
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Why is there no phone in China?
Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.
I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.
If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.
Americans are so fat that they named an atom bomb "Fat Man" to describe themselves.
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
Bean.
What is China's favorite restaurant?
The Pet Store.
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?
Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
Porn.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.