Short jokes
OMG, I had a really good hand joke, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
Elephant
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.
Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
What do autistic retards and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms, lol.
Nickelback.
A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"
What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?
A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.
What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? Magic!
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...