Short jokes
Student: Why does everyone hate me?
Another student: Because U got the A last night.
Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?
Wife: In a detective novel.
I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.
His girls clapped, BTW. 😬
Long hair Danny, the fanny.
A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
Why did the egg hide?
Because it was a little chicken!
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
I loved the Twin Towers, it's a shame my dad didn't.
90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
We shouldn't call gay guys "fucking cunts" because they aren't fucking cunts, they're fucking assholes.
Arik? (Not a joke.)
What does a dog do in a dresser?
It pants!
Who is the oldest Dave?
Daveon.
Who is the least young Dave?
Dave-on.
Eons it takes to Daveon the haters.