Short jokes

I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.

Gravity sure is fast.

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."

I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.

As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."

Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."

I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.

What is a cannibal's favorite restaurant?

Five Guys.

What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?

"It will be over soon."

What is an Emo’s favourite music element?

Self harmony.

I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.

I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"

What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?

The cancer came back.

How many black people does it take to start a protest? -1.

Candy is dandy.

But liquor is quicker.

Where do cows get their medicine?

At the farmacy.

Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.

Call me Willma, will my balls fit ya mouth?

What do you call a smart person in America?

A tourist.