Short jokes
I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"
What is money called in space?
Star bucks.
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
it was just a prank bro.
Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?
Because every time they scan, it scans twice.
What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?
The cancer came back.
What's a Mexican's favorite video game?
Borderlands.
Candy is dandy.
But liquor is quicker.
Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farmacy.
I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3
What is a cannibal's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.
Call me Willma, will my balls fit ya mouth?
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
What do you call a smart person in America?
A tourist.