Short jokes
Why don't orphans like to get lost?
Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.
What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
What do you call a dad in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
I hope you're happy.
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.
I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.
Gravity sure is fast.
Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.
Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.
When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.