Short jokes

I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.

Gravity sure is fast.

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."

What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?

They're both yellow and can't drive.

You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."

Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."

I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.

How many black people does it take to start a protest? -1.

What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?

"It will be over soon."

Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

What is an Emo’s favourite music element?

Self harmony.

What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.

I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"

Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?

What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?

The cancer came back.

Candy is dandy.

But liquor is quicker.