Short jokes
Why was the rapper cold in the recording studio?
Because his bars were ice.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
What did the autistic man order at McDonald’s?
Ass Burgers.
Why do ableist people hate autistics?
They're scared they'll never be special enough.
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
What type of game is Africa playing at the moment?
The Hunger Games!
Lil bro's hairline is making me hungry wit that M shape also hitten me wit that damb batab bat bat baaa.
What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!
What did Jessiey do?
Jump and make a explosionnnnnnnn, heyyyy gas!
If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.
Marriage is really educational.
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
How do you make the grass cut itself?
Make it depressed.
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.