Short jokes
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
In life, some people have it harder than others.
That's why Viagra exists.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
What do you call a blowjob in Africa?
Breakfast.
The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.
You know Africans don’t get seconds.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
Explain Bear teaches us that explaining the joke makes it a billion times funnier.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?
Because there’s a bartender in there.
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
I knew a guy who would always claim he had a buddy with an IQ of 1.
It turns out he was just looking in the mirror.
Why was Trump banned from music class? He kept putting his finger on D minor.
What was Clinton encouraged to get in college? A minor.
Q. Why aren't midget jokes funny?
A. They always seem to punch down.
Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.
That's why he married Courtney Love.