Short jokes
What's an emo's favorite time of year?
Fall.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
What do you call a dead black plantation worker? Fertilizer.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
One like = more from me to you. 👊
What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?
Once they turn 18, they never come back.
Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.