Short jokes
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
childhood skipped @iissoo.00 fr😵💫
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
What did the young Taliban member say to the old Taliban member?
"Okay, Boomer."
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.
Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c—
MOO!
I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
Bro, why are you making an avalanche by that big forehead? No wonder why snow was found on Mars.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.