Short jokes
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
Glip gloop glap.
To spite Santa and Greta Thunberg, I'm burning the coal I got for Christmas.
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
*Ring Ring!*
Who’s there?
Soldier!
Soldier who?
You’ve soldier house! Congrats!
waHt
12/8?
We’ll be back.
ICH BIN GOTT.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
Ryan.
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.
Turns out it was the fridge.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?
A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
How do chemists laugh?
HeHe.
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
Biggest lie ever told: it was the cat.
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
Your dad must be a mailman.