Short jokes
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the grocery store?
He kept dropping the BEETS!
Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?
He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.
Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?
Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.
What did the young Taliban member say to the old Taliban member?
"Okay, Boomer."
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
What does Michael Jackson like?
Teabags.
BlessedBrian's family reunions must be like a casting call for the Addams Family.
What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?
"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
If laughter is contagious, LEO is immune.