Short jokes
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
In life, some people have it harder than others.
That's why Viagra exists.
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.
You know Africans don’t get seconds.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
"I got that dawg in me," said the Asian men after lunch.
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
How do you know Adam and Eve were white?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?
Why don’t Indians play soccer?
Because every time they’re at the corner, they build a store.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
Cotton waiting to be picked.
What is the difference between a black man and Jew?
One was born burnt.