Short jokes
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.
Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.
Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
Your forehead is so big, explorers mistakenly thought it was Mount Everest.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.
Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.
Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.
What's a lesbian's favorite candy?
Licorice.
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
Explain Bear teaches us that explaining the joke makes it a billion times funnier.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
The Towers wanted pepperoni pizza, but they got planned.
Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?
Because there’s a bartender in there.
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
Why was Trump banned from music class? He kept putting his finger on D minor.
What was Clinton encouraged to get in college? A minor.
Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?
A: An Epstein pen.
If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby, it would be a turd covered in semen.