Short jokes
After I see an anime boy acting cool,
Me at school acting cool:
My brothers: "He's just acting cool."
Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0
What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?
"Dine and dash."
What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?
Batter up!
I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.
I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.
Iron jug.
I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
Your mom's so poor, she chased the garbage truck with her grocery list.
How to turn on an Indian: push the red button.
What's a gun's favorite type of literature?
Magazine.
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?
They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
When the feminists find out that it's humanity, not huwomanity.
Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.
What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?
We're both blind.
Sam's mum is so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I thought EastEnders finished!
Lions = gay pride.
You're so fat, you have your own gravitational pull.
911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.
Time for a remake!