Short jokes
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
"I got that dawg in me," said the Asian men after lunch.
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.
Are you bisexual...
Or are you hellosexual?
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
How did you get into the tampon 100?
Pull some strings!
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”