Short jokes
Your hairline is so big, I couldn't find the area of it on Jupiter.
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
What do you call a group of Alabama superheroes?
The Incredibles.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
Hahahahaha......... Autism.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!