Short jokes
Are you the Twin Towers? 'Cause you sure upgraded.
"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?
Lights are hanging.
What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?
Once they turn 18, they never come back.
Your mum so fat, she broke the stairs down to the fridge.
I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
Does money grow on trees? No.
What is money made of? Paper.
What is paper made out of? Trees!
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
Which tower is better at playing catch? The south tower, obviously. It caught 2!
I am awesome, look at me!
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
I asked the Titanic an icebreaker question.
It couldn't answer.